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A Ball, Some Friends, and a Soccer Goal

If Pele, Maridona, and Beckham don't sound at all familiar to you, or if you think Freddy Adou is a guy you may have gone to high school with, keep reading... please. This article covers all the equipment and skills you'll need to join the rest of the world in playing the wonderful game of soccer.

Actually, the rest of the world plays football - they call the sport that Steve Young used to play American football. The term 'soccer' came into being in the later part of the 19th century when people began abbreviating the French variation of 'association football' to soccer. Whatever name you use (I'll call it soccer for the purposes of this article), it refers to the fast-paced, exciting game that has captured the interest of more and more Americans in recent years. If you've found that you've been left behind when it comes to the sport, here's a few equipment tips and skills you'll need to have to start playing.

As the name 'football' suggests, you'll need a ball. Soccer balls come in many different sizes, materials, and styles; and league specifications vary depending on the age and level of the players. If you just want to buy a 'normal' ball, double check with the store clerks to make sure you've chosen the right one; or if you're buying online, you can check the ball size against the standards found at www.fifa.com. The best material for your ball depends on the type of surface you're going to play on. If you'll spend any time at all kicking the ball around on the street or playground, I would shy away from buying a nice leather ball - the asphalt will tear it up. Synthetic materials will usually hold up better on those surfaces, and typically cost less.

Once you've got your ball, you're going to need at least one pair of feet; however, if you want to do more than just kick the ball against your garage you're going to need at least two sets. There are a number of different techniques when it comes to kicking the soccer ball - I'll just summarize them all by saying that the goal of kicking the ball is to hit it with some part of you're foot and make it go in the direction you want it to. In fact, in soccer matches you may use any part of you're body to move the ball except your hands and arms. If you grew up playing catch in the back yard, the first couple of times you try to kick the ball you'll probably look even more awkward than you feel, and it's very likely your kids are going to laugh at you. Practice makes near perfect, and you'll get better over time. Kicking the ball back and forth between two or more people helps. Once you feel like you might be able to kick the ball and jog/run at the same time, you're ready to graduate to playing a game.

Goals (pronounced 'gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!!' in actual soccer matches) in soccer are scored by kicking the ball through a rectangle shape appropriately called the goal. Though the rectangle is standard, goals can be made by placing any two objects a few steps apart. I have personally played in neighborhood games where the goal posts were chairs, barrels, younger siblings, and shoes (if you're playing barefoot, make sure no one is wearing cleats). Kicking the ball below head height and more or less between the makeshift goal posts constitutes a goal, though you will find each goal will be heavily debated.

Competitive leagues almost always require shin guards, and you can usually pick up a decent pair for pretty cheap. Even in a friendly park setting, players can get pretty passionate, and it wouldn't be a bad idea to wear them during the game.

The rules are simple and easy to learn. The basics you need to know are that you should try to avoid kicking people, you can't tackle people like in American football, and you can't use your hands. In that sense, except for the hands restriction, soccer is a lot like life. Other rules apply more in competition, but it wouldn't hurt to read up on them at www.fifa.com.

As with any sport, the most important thing is to look good, so go out and buy yourself some silky soccer shorts and jerseys. Long hair and an Italian accent certainly won't hurt your chances of going pro - but if neither of those is an option for you, just remember to have fun and play fair.

posted by msubmn @ 11:48 PM 0 comments

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow - The Art of Presentation by TV Antique Show Valuers and Appraisers

Clearly, many shows are carried by the personality of the presenter though they frequently reflect a triumph of style over substance. This, arguably, excludes Dickinson, who dominates the screen, demonstrating boundless enthusiasm and an opinion on almost everything. He is somewhat redolent of the eponymous Lovejoy, that roguish, careworn but charming dealer, so successfully played by Ian McShane in the BBC series, but his piece de resistance surely has to be his hair. Whatever authority he may exude examining a Victorian tortoise shell box or a chipped Minton plate, one cannot but be drawn to his vertiginous mullet, a shock of hair so dense it could comfortably accommodate a nest of birds. I think he could probably make a passable living as an Elvis impersonator such is his showmanship but this is in marked contrast to another member of the bouffant brigade, the erstwhile host of The Antiques Roadshow, Hugh Scully, who looked as though hed taken a dose of mogadon every time he stepped in front of the camera.

Then again, The Antiques Roadshow experts generally come over as a pretty uninspiring crowd. Some of them are well qualified on their specialist subjects and, indeed, are often a fount of knowledge but Ive seen more verve from a blind man crossing a busy dual carriageway. They come from near and far, many representing leading auctioneers, but their delivery and mode of questioning are so entirely predictable, this show must possess the most threadbare autocue in television history. Can it be a complete coincidence that The Antiques Roadshow is scheduled alongside another BBC stalwart, Songs of Praise, a programme that appears to be populated by precisely the same audience, albeit the host is in a frock? Perhaps theyre all seeking salvation for ghastly misjudgements or overinflated expectations.

Anyhow, some experts are notably well informed so should, for example, James Braxton of Edgar Horn or Roy Butler of Wallis and Wallis pop up on your screen talking about Tunbridgeware and guns respectively, please pay attention. These guys know what they are talking about. The problem is that the producers seem hell bent on incorporating all manner of rubbish in their desire to be egalitarian and inclusive and fail miserably in the process. It would be far better television, frankly, if the nominated expert took one look at a given object, profusely thanked the owner for shlepping it over land and sea, and then recommended it for firewood. Why has The Antiques Roadshow not created a Christmas special of all those unmitigated disasters brought in by the deeply earnest, deeply greedy and deeply ignorant? Dont you secretly long for a sarcastic appraiser to enquire You really dragged this piece of crap in here thinking it was worth something? What do you use for brains? Stop wasting my time! Is anybody home at Broadcasting House? And is anybody listening?

Part two in the series of articles by Howard Lewis.(Read part one... The Price is Right: Appraisal, Valuation and Inspired Guesswork or the Rise of TV Antique Shows and the Collecting Bug in the invaluable blog at www.invaluable.com).

posted by msubmn @ 5:05 PM 0 comments